Chlorine told me over breakfast that she was leaving me. She said she could never love someone with a face as average as mine. My worst fears confirmed, I wept and moaned inconsolably. Desperate, devastated, I wandered the streets until I found an astonishingly handsome man, and cut his face off with a very sharp knife. Quickly I sewed his face over my own.

When I got home Chlorine was overjoyed by how attractive I had become, and kissed me with unprecedented sweetness. “I can’t believe how astonishingly handsome your new face is,” she sighed.

The next day we were married.