Dolores Has Lost her Clitoris
words: d h sterry pictures: peter seward
One Saturday morning Dolores
Discovered she’d lost her clitoris.
“Oh no! Oh my! Oh how can this be?”
“I can’t believe this is happening to me.”
Her breath got short and her eyes grew wide
She felt all wobbly and shaky inside
So she looked in her pockets and behind the door
She looked in each and every drawer
She looked in her sofa and under her chair
She even looked under her underwear
She looked in her pots and looked in her pans
Looked in the cabinet with all her cans
She looked in her closet and under her shoes
She looked in her cabinet next to the booze
She looked under her bed and under her pillow
Looked in the nightstand next to her dildo
She turned the house upside down
But her clitoris was simply nowhere to be found
She clenched her fists and fell to her knees
“Help me!” she yelled, “help me please.”
So she dashed out to see her boyfriend
Sure that he’d help make her misery end
“Oh please won’t you help me Boris,
“I’m afraid I have lost my clitoris!”
A blank vacant look came over his face
As he stared off into outer space
“Hhm…” said Boris, “to be honest Dolores,
“I didn’t even know you had a clitoris.”
Dolores shook her head and rolled her eyes
She gritted her teeth and let out a sigh
“Boris,’ she said, “I’ve had it with you
“Once and for all, we’re through!”
“I’m afraid,” said Boris, “I’m a little perplexed.
“Does that mean you don’t want to have any sex?”
“Of course not,” she cried, “I don’t wanna have sex.
“I just broke up with you, you’re my now ex.”
“And besides, why would I?” yelled Dolores.
“I just told you I lost my clitoris!”
She got so mad she stomped on the floor
And on her way out she slammed the door
Then she went to her parents and rushed inside
“Mother I’ve something I must confide
“I’m going crazy,” cried Dolores,
“Mom, I’ve lost my clitoris.”
Her mom looked away and her face got red
She looked like she would rather be dead
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,
“And I just remembered I have to go … out.”
Her mom grabbed her coat and ran out the door
Got in her car and away she did roar
Dolores dashed off to speak to her father
Who was polishing his balls in the billiard parlor
“Dear Father,” cried Dolores
“Please help me, I’ve lost my clitoris.”
“Clitoris,” he muttered looking up from his balls,
“That word’s not familiar, not familiar at all.”
“Please tell me, my darling Dolores,
“What does it mean, this word ‘clitoris’?”
“Aargh!” cried Dolores, “you haven’t a clue!”
Then out of the room like a flash she flew.
She sped back home and jumped in her bed
And into her pillow she buried her head
Then Dolores cried and cried and cried
Till it felt like there was nothing left inside
Then Dolores fell into a long black sleep
That was terribly terribly terribly deep
And when she awoke she was no longer vexed
Confused upset peeved or perplexed
Dolores stretched and sighed and yawned
As the birds sang in the beautiful dawn
When she ran her hands down to her thighs
Dolores got a tremendously surprise
Right there in her very own lap
Her clitoris was waking from a long long nap
“Come play with me,” cried her clitoris
“Come play with me dear Dolores.”
“There you are,” she cried ecstatically
“Oh, I’ve missed you so terribly.
“I vow,” cried Dolores, “that every day
“You and I will find time to play.”
“I’ll never take you for granted again
“From now on you’ll be my very best friend!”
“Oh joy!” cried her clitoris, full of glee
“Now come play with me immediately.”
It was a beautiful reunion for Dolores
And her sweet devoted clitoris
Together they found heavenly rapture
And they lived happily ever after
“There you are,” she cried ecstatically
“Oh, I’ve missed you so terribly.”
“I vow,” cried Dolores, “that every day”
“You and I will find time to play.”
“I’ll never take you for granted again
“From now on you’ll be my very best friend!”
“Oh joy!” cried her clitoris, full of glee
“Now come play with me immediately.”
It was a beautiful reunion for Dolores
And her sweet devoted clitoris
Together they found heavenly rapture
And together they lived happily ever after