Dolores Has Lost her Clitoris

words: d h sterry pictures: peter seward

One Saturday morning Dolores

Discovered she’d lost her clitoris.

“Oh no! Oh my! Oh how can this be?”

“I can’t believe this is happening to me.”

Her breath got short and her eyes grew wide

She felt all wobbly and shaky inside

So she looked in her pockets and behind the door

She looked in each and every drawer

She looked in her sofa and under her chair

She even looked under her underwear

She looked in her pots and looked in her pans

Looked in the cabinet with all her cans

She looked in her closet and under her shoes

She looked in her cabinet next to the booze

She looked under her bed and under her pillow

Looked in the nightstand next to her dildo

She turned the house upside down

But her clitoris was simply nowhere to be found

She clenched her fists and fell to her knees

“Help me!” she yelled, “help me please.”

So she dashed out to see her boyfriend

Sure that he’d help make her misery end

“Oh please won’t you help me Boris,

“I’m afraid I have lost my clitoris!”

A blank vacant look came over his face

As he stared off into outer space

“Hhm…” said Boris, “to be honest Dolores,

“I didn’t even know you had a clitoris.”

Dolores shook her head and rolled her eyes

She gritted her teeth and let out a sigh

“Boris,’ she said, “I’ve had it with you

“Once and for all, we’re through!”

“I’m afraid,” said Boris, “I’m a little perplexed.

“Does that mean you don’t want to have any sex?”

“Of course not,” she cried, “I don’t wanna have sex.

“I just broke up with you, you’re my now ex.”

“And besides, why would I?” yelled Dolores.

“I just told you I lost my clitoris!”

She got so mad she stomped on the floor

And on her way out she slammed the door

Then she went to her parents and rushed inside

“Mother I’ve something I must confide

“I’m going crazy,” cried Dolores,

“Mom, I’ve lost my clitoris.”

Her mom looked away and her face got red

She looked like she would rather be dead

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,

“And I just remembered I have to go … out.”

Her mom grabbed her coat and ran out the door

Got in her car and away she did roar

Dolores dashed off to speak to her father

Who was polishing his balls in the billiard parlor

“Dear Father,” cried Dolores

“Please help me, I’ve lost my clitoris.”

“Clitoris,” he muttered looking up from his balls,

“That word’s not familiar, not familiar at all.”

“Please tell me, my darling Dolores,

“What does it mean, this word ‘clitoris’?”

“Aargh!” cried Dolores, “you haven’t a clue!”

Then out of the room like a flash she flew.

She sped back home and jumped in her bed

And into her pillow she buried her head

Then Dolores cried and cried and cried

Till it felt like there was nothing left inside

Then Dolores fell into a long black sleep

That was terribly terribly terribly deep

And when she awoke she was no longer vexed

Confused upset peeved or perplexed

Dolores stretched and sighed and yawned

As the birds sang in the beautiful dawn

When she ran her hands down to her thighs

Dolores got a tremendously surprise

Right there in her very own lap

Her clitoris was waking from a long long nap

“Come play with me,” cried her clitoris

“Come play with me dear Dolores.”

“There you are,” she cried ecstatically

“Oh, I’ve missed you so terribly.

“I vow,” cried Dolores, “that every day

“You and I will find time to play.”

“I’ll never take you for granted again

“From now on you’ll be my very best friend!”

“Oh joy!” cried her clitoris, full of glee

“Now come play with me immediately.”

It was a beautiful reunion for Dolores

And her sweet devoted clitoris

Together they found heavenly rapture

And they lived happily ever after

DelorosFound illusatration“There you are,” she cried ecstatically

“Oh, I’ve missed you so terribly.”

“I vow,” cried Dolores, “that every day”

“You and I will find time to play.”

 

“I’ll never take you for granted again

“From now on you’ll be my very best friend!”

“Oh joy!” cried her clitoris, full of glee

“Now come play with me immediately.”

 

It was a beautiful reunion for Dolores

And her sweet devoted clitoris

Together they found heavenly rapture

And together they lived happily ever after