Get the money up front
Don’t ever be too full for dessert
People with happy pets live longer
The only way around is through
Never underestimate the power of a great apology
Trust in a kind universe, but hide your valuables in a very safe place
Bitter failure, brutal rejection, and relentless misery are fantastic fertilizer for comedy, and laughter is the shortest distance between two people
Listening is easier to do with your mouth shut
Learning the rules is the best to understand how to break them and get away with it
Don’t keep swinging when a fight’s all over
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter
Work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching
Sincerity is the most important thing in life, and once you’ve learned to fake that, you’ve got it made
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about
Fool me once, I’m an idiot, fool me twice I’m twice as big an idiot
The bigger they are, the harder they can hit you
Killing time turns you into the living dead
Outside of a dog a book is man’s best. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read
Don’t mistake a short memory for a clear conscience
Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath
If you think that something small cannot make a difference, try going to sleep with a hungry mosquito in the room
A human without passion is like apple pie without the apples
Never make a decision when you’re angry, or shop for food when you’re hungry
A friend is someone who tells you when you’ve got a piece of stray food on your lip
You can’t stop the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can stop them from building nests in your hair
People are like teabags… you never know how strong they are until you drop them in hot water
If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger. If you haven’t worn it in a year, throw it away
Use your body for more than carrying your brain around
When you surround yourself with people who are smarter than you are, you prove you are smarter than they are
Never trust a dog to watch your food, and never try to baptize a cat
One cannot change the past, but one can ruin the present by living in the future
People are divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move
One good father is worth more than 100 star athletes
An ounce of mother is worth a pound of preachers
Never spit when you’re on a roller coaster
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things
Your character is your destiny, and your refrigerator is not the place for science projects
Never interrupt when you are being flattered
In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation, rather than everything that’s wrong with everyone except you
Read between the lines, think outside the box, and be nice to old people, cuz with a little luck you may be one some day
Memorize your favorite poem
Don’t judge people by their relatives
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson, and when you win, be nice to the loser learning the lesson, cuz sooner or later that loser will be you.
Giving and receiving love makes humans happy, therefore it’s the hardest thing to do
It’s very important to smell good
The wise person is the one who knows how little they know – when I finally realized I didn’t know anything people started telling me how smart I was
